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January 5, 2009

New BornTonight I was stupid, rebellious, and pathetic.  But tonight, I was loved.

For the past few nights, my Darling Daughter and I have had a ritual that warms me to my core.  It goes something like this:

We sit in the recliner and I read or tell her stories.  As she settles down enough to go to bed, I pick her up to take her to the bedroom, but before we can she asks to cuddle with me and I politely, but firmly refuse.  This is where she asks if she can go to sleep on the couch in my office – and I relent.

After some restlessness (I don’t know where she gets this budding night owl approach), we turn off the light and I kiss her goodnight.  Soon, my DD asks if I will turn on music – so I fire up the gentle piano music on and the night grows magical.

With my DD carefully wrapped in a blanket, and quickly drifting off to sleep, Daddy continues to work, while she gently submits to sleep.  Listening to my George Winston station reminds me of the times I used to listen to this music as I drifted to sleep – years (decades?) ago.

Then the best part comes.  I gently lift her into my arms and walk this sleeping beauty to the bedroom.  I kiss her forehead lightly and relish the warmth in my arms.  I recall the laughter she’s brought into my life and I send up prayers of gratitude for this three and eleven-twelfths year old who has taught me how to be joyful and to live in the moment.

That other thing – oh, it was really dumb, and I’ll have to make amends for it.  But tonight, as I bask in the afterglow of my DD’s unrelenting love, I know that my value does not rely upon my actions – it is serenly much deeper than mere behavior.

My value doesn’t come from within.  No, my value is in my belonging.

This Dad gig…  best career I’ve ever had!

  1. pastfirst permalink
    January 5, 2009 3:04 am

    You’re such a great Dad and it’s an absolute pleasure to hear from people who enjoy parenting as much as you do.
    You made my day!


  2. January 5, 2009 10:58 am

    stop making me cry. so not fair!


  3. January 6, 2009 9:58 pm

    Thanks for the feedback! It is really nice to be affirmed. My goal is to help my kids grow up with all the love they need – and then some.


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