Learning to Listen, and be Patient
One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is a part of the maturing of Moses. From the beginning, his life hung in the balance. Pharaoh tried to have him killed, even as a baby, but in a strange twist of events, Pharaoh’s daughter adopted Moses as her own. Moses was called to free the captive Israelites, and he accepted that calling. He began by killing an Egyptian who was abusing one of his Hebrew brothers. Unfortunately, the timing was wrong.
Word of the murder spread fast and Moses fled Egypt. He spent the next 40 years as a husband, a father, and a shepherd. It was at the end of that 40 years that God appeared to Moses in a burning bush and asked him to go and free the Israelites from their Egyptian oppressors. But, at this point in his life, Moses was old and unsure of himself. It was exactly at this point that he could be used.
The reason I like this story is because it has repeated itself over and over in my life. Not just once have I charged ahead in my attempts to do the right thing. Each time, retreating into a period of reflection, vowing to not be impatient again. Yet to repeat the error in another time and another space. It sneaks up on me and happens imperceptibly. I don’t even see it happening until it’s over. It really is amazing.
It really is true that our greatest strengths can be our greatest weaknesses. When I took the StrengthFinders assessment a few years ago, it was eyeopening – not so much in it’s content as in its revelations. Confidence, Responsibility, Achievement, Command, and Ideation. The Wife said, “No wonder you intimidate people.” I recognized the traits, for I’ve lived with them for 50 years.
I thought I heard them say they wanted a leader
Arriving in Columbia County was a surprise to us. It was a surreal experience that we are still trying to absorb. We love it here and we love the people we’ve met. We love the people we work with and we love the place in time and space where we have landed; however, it has been challenging.
I thought I heard them say they wanted a leader. I thought I heard them say they wanted to grow. I thought I heard them say they were willing to pay the price. So, in typical fashion, I grabbed the responsibility, with confidence and assurance, knowing that it would be difficult, but I was willing to tell people what they didn’t want to hear, and I charged forward – because I had ideas.
Those strengths allowed me to ignore the naysayers. I’m able to ignore the pain that comes before the growth. I can ignore the people who talk about me behind my back, or who leave. I’m OK with the pain, because I have my eye on a bigger picture. But it is exactly those same strengths that cause me to ignore the fact that I’m taking this hill by myself. I may be charging the enemy of growth and success, but I’m doing it alone – and therefore I won’t be successful.
As volunteer firefighters, my college roommate and I started “fixing” the small volunteer department we were with. Of course we were from the big city and we knew better. For some strange reason, the good ol’ boys just didn’t seem to appreciate our efforts. Later as a streetwise medic, I began to fix the old guard fire district. EMS was the new way and they just didn’t see it.
I remember an epiphany I had after I’d been in management/leadership for a couple of years. I had this image of what people probably said after leaving a meeting. “You know, he’s right,” I pictured them saying, “but I sure hate working with him.” It was after that when I began to back off and cooperate a bit more. They say those who learn to compromise usually end up getting the most accomplished. I began to ask myself if what I was fighting for would really make any difference in 100 years. Usually it wouldn’t.
Tonight, I approached the meeting with a humble attitude
Last year I began working to streamline the leadership systems and prepare for the future. I talked about the inefficiencies of having two leadership groups. I talked about span of communication and how I needed a team of not more than nine, nor less than five. I talked about having a governing board, not a management board. Each time, I saw heads nod in agreement and I again charged forward. Yet, every two months, we would repeat the conversation.
Tonight, I approached the meeting with a humble attitude. I didn’t approach as if I had all the answers. I saw that I had failed to make my case. I began to see that I needed to listen better. I came with an attitude of flexibility. I’m glad I did.
For the first time, I heard clearly that they weren’t buying my ideas. I heard that any change needs to be more organic. I came away humbled – but also like a load has been taken off of my shoulders. I still have much to learn. I still need to listen more.
Just One of the Less Traveled Roads… (Photo Blog)
Yesterday, I took an unexpected walk in the woods. It was clearly the less traveled road. What a great time I had! Contentment is undervalued. On this hike, I was content.
This is the legacy of my forefathers, cutting old growth firs for housing and for income – goes back five generations.
The sun was low in the sky, coming from the SW, that’s why I was able to get these pictures. Normally, it is cold, rainy, and gray in the Oregon rain forests. It was a good day for photos.
Being the middle of Winter, but looking like Spring, much of the wildlife was still in hiding. I only heard one squirrel who scolded me for entering its territory, and only a few birds were seen this high up. There were no insects.
This grove of young Douglas Firs are typical of many throughout the Pacific Northwest, but because it wasn’t rainy, misty, and foggy – with the added benefit of a low Sun, I was able to grab this photo. I experimented with multiple shots, with varying angles and lighting, until I got this one.
Sunlight is a premium in these fir groves. I liked the way it came through the trees.
I posted a similar shot on Twitter yesterday, but it was taken from my phone. As I posted then: “It feels like I’ve been in this forest thousands of times, yet not, the young douglas firs, the whispering quiet.” It was a great day for a hike!
It was also a good day for musing. Life is too full of a-musements, sometimes a little musement is good for the soul.
If I had just taken this photo of the skyline, which was beautiful on this early Spring Day, in mid-winter, it would have been boring. To capture the detail of the skyline, you’d miss out on the granduer of the vista. This shot best captured the views I saw yesterday.
The moss does it’s work in this quiet grove of trees. This looked like the places I’ve camped many times before. Just an idyllic chapel in the forest.
Nothing on my mind, no problems to solve, just a day with my Creator God. It was a good one at that.
This was taken with my phone, at 50 mph out an open window. The lenticular clouds are an awesome phenomenon and this view overlooking Rainier – and into Longview-Kelso (and the Lewis & Clark Bridge) – over the Mighty Columbia River is beautiful. The mountain was looming large through my windshield, but the wide-angle lens of the camera just didn’t do justice – even after some photoshopping! This was the last view on my drive home.
Foolish Things
If you really want to insult me, call me a fool. If there’s one thing I’m not, it is a fool. I learned generations of common sense from my Dad, I am constantly absorbing information, and I watch people (virtually, or in real-time) to absorb helpful insights on life’s greatest mysteries. It’s been said that experience is a great teacher. But better than learning for oneself, it is good to learn from others. I do this.
However, in my lifetime I’ve done some stupid and foolish things. Usually my judgment was clouded by lust. Whether it was a pretty car, a pretty woman, or a pretty good excuse, I’ve managed to have my judgement clouded way too many times. I’m embarrassed by how many times I’ve fallen flat. Usually I learn, but when I repeat the mistakes, I’m even more humbled. Why would anyone repeat the same mistakes?
Why would we do the same thing over and over again, but expect different results?
However, some of the things I’ve done in my life have seemed to be foolish, but turned into some of my most proud moments. Unfortunately, I didn’t have foresight to know how they would turn out – so stepping out was an act of faith. Leaving the emergency services field was challenging, and for may years I regretted walking away from the security, but now, in retrospect, I know I’ve never been happier.
Financially, it was a dumb move to quit when I was eligible to retire just 13 years later (I’d be retired now). From a career standpoint, I was a rising star and there were bright horizons ahead. From a stability standpoint, I gave up the one thing that had remained constant in my life. From the standpoint of a single, young adult, my standing as an eligible bachelor dropped several rungs when I essentially became a homeless and unemployed student. There are few things that would lend any credence to this being a wise move, and yet, it turned out marvelously!
I’ve been really content, joyful really – more than I have in years
There have been times in my life when I’ve ignored that still, small voice – and usually this leads to greater heartache and disappointment. Either I’ve been too busy, stressed, or tired to hear the voice, or I was just selfish and arrogant. However, in the last week or so, I’ve felt particularly attuned to the Spirit’s leading. As I’ve listened, I’ve seen joy in my self and others – it has been a good week. I’ve been really content, joyful really – more than I have in years.
Much of this awareness comes from a more balanced approach to life, more time in prayer and meditation, and a willingness to obey a leading greater than my own heart. As I mentioned, if left to my own desires, I am prone to great failure. But tuned to a Higher Power, I see great things occur. It is really fun.
Last night I fulfilled two promptings. One was to visit a hospitalized friend and the other was to make amends to a Costco store manager. This morning, while spending some quiet time, I felt a deep urging to not go skiing today. If you know me, you know I will never turn down an opportunity to go skiing. It is my #1 most favoritist thing to do – eva!
But this morning, it was clear. Don’t go skiing. So, I didn’t.
I still fulfilled my obligation to meet with the kids before they went, but I politely excused myself from a day that promises to be a great day. The sunrise over Mt. Hood was awesome this morning and the snow/weather reports were good. I wanted to go, I was halfway dressed, and had all my stuff together. I just know that it would be wrong for me to go – and I don’t know why. Maybe I’ll know someday, maybe I won’t – I don’t know. I do know that it isn’t my role to question these leadings.
As I drove through Scappoose this morning I saw a woman scraping ice off of her windshield with a credit card. I was immediately struck with the thought that I should stop and let her use my ice scraper. Then my cynical brain kicked in and argued that her struggle will help educate her to be better prepared and to go buy a scraper – like I did 15 years ago. Then, much to the surprise of my cold-hearted self, I made a U-Turn, jumped out and scraped her windows for her. What!?
Years ago, I was on my way to an important meeting. As usual, I was running late. As I drove out of Sellwood and headed up Johnson Creek Blvd, I saw a man in a racing wheelchair along side the road. Every once of his body screamed defeat. He was hunched over, parked in the gravel. I immediately knew he needed help, but I was late and on a mission.
For two blocks, after I passed him, I had a raging argument going on in my heart:
“Go back and help him!”
“No!”
“You have to!”
“No I don’t. It’s not my problem.”
At the top of the hill I made a U-Turn and went back to offer help. He told me he was training for the Portland Marathon and had gone into downtown and back. Going up this hill, he lost his steam. He had been sitting alongside the road for about 20 minutes, praying for help. I was the first to stop. I lifted him into my truck, put his wheelchair in the back, and drove him about a mile to his house. The whole way, he kept telling me I was an angel sent from God.
I would like to learn to make these choices before I have to make a U-Turn.
“But,” you may say, “this morning, you did.”
The problem is, I’m not so sure that is true. What I do know though, is that it is always good to be obedient. It is best to be immediately obedient, and it is good to be late, rather than not at all. However, I still have much to learn.
I’m hoping that through continued practice, I can learn to be a better listener.
PS: Henry Blackaby says that obedience always has a cost. Not just to ourselves, but to others also. Our choices affect others – sometimes for the good; and sometimes for the bad. But, obedience always has a cost.
Today, I’m pretty sure that some will judge me unpredictable, some will say untrustworthy, and some will not understand. I will do my best to explain, but I’m not sure I can explain it any better than what I’ve said here.
![Borrowed Ground [Explored]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/55068836918_9fe5c24e0e_s.jpg "Borrowed Ground [Explored]")
Confessing my Dad Attitude 