/Message: Better Social Plumbing For The Social Web
/Message: Better Social Plumbing For The Social Web
The above linked post is a good description of where the web is going. It contains great graphics, interesting discussion, and an excellent overview of the history of social connections on the web.
By the way, I got this from a link on Twitter, I follow many people and one of those I trust, posted the above link. I thought you would benefit from the discussion. Plus, it is a great follow up to the authenticity vs. safety discussions I’ve posted recently.
Sugar & Television: Why do they undermine us?
Coming from a long history of addictions, both in my families and The Wife’s, it isn’t easy to watch those traits begin to show up in my kids. I didn’t know anything about addictive behaviors until my late 20s, but the lessons learned then have altered my life’s trajectory. It was at the point that I learned I was an alcoholic and a drug addict that many things began to make sense.
First, all the family history began to come crashing in. The depression, the abuse, the alcohol, the parties, the dysfunction. It was rampant in my maternal and paternal roots. Next, there were the “incidents.” Times when my parents showed just too little responsibility. Finally, I saw my own life flash before my eyes and I realized that I had always been headed towards addiction, I just masked it with socially acceptable behaviors.
We used to joke that Pepsi was the gateway drug to heroin. Looking back on it, I’m not so sure that doesn’t have some truth in it – at least for my family. Really, I think it has more to do with untreated depression and growing up in an undisciplined home. Add to this mix, the denial of issues, the dismissive attitude towards real emotion, and a host of ignored problems.
For my family, we have made some choices to add discipline back into our home. Things that weren’t present in our homes growing up. Now we don’t want to be Nazis over this, but we don’t think it is that bad to teach our kids good habits and a healthy sense of self-denial and delayed gratification.
I believe we have a head start by NOT having drugs or alcohol in the home. I also think that, as older parents who grew up in the self-help era, we can offer our kids a healthier foundation than our oh-too-young parents were capable of offering. Not only have we read books, dealt with much of our co-dependencies, treated our depression, and sought counseling, but we have experienced the pain of addictions first-hand.
For many people, there is no danger in these two ubiquitous forms of escape
Two of the addictions we are trying to actively deal with, are from very socially acceptable habits in our culture: television and sugar. For many people, there is no danger in these two ubiquitous forms of escape.
Television is often viewed as a benign form of mindless relaxation, child entertainment and diversion, and a great source of information. And while it’s true that it may be used in these forms, I’ve found that I cannot control it. My parents were unable to control it, and others in my family have been unable to control it. Given this history in my family, I would be a fool to bring it into my home and expose my children to values in which I do not prescribe. (You can read more here: http://www.turnoffyourtv.com )
Obesity and Diabetes are two of the leading killers in Western Culture today. Yet, despite this, we continue to consume sugar by the truckloads. A recent documentary, King Corn claims that the majority of the food we eat contains high-fructose corn syrup. When growing up, I used to put two tablespoons of sugar on my Cheerios; and as a teenager working at Baskin-Robbins, I would consume a chocolate-mint shake and a triple hot-fudge sundae at least five days a week.
It is troubling to me
What is troubling to me is the lack of support we receive as we try to instill good discipline in our kids. When we talk about reducing sugar, or providing healthier alternatives to sweets, we receive blank stares, and often derision. When we ask people to turn off their TVs, especially when no one seems to be watching it, we are often looked at as if we had three heads.
These two items are so prevalent in our society, that it is almost impossible to escape them. At the grocery checkout counter, right beside the soft-porn gossip magazines, lies a whole treasure trove of sweets – at just the right height for three to eight year olds. Walking through Wal-Mart, we are bombarded by TVs at the end of nearly every aisle.
Though the commercial representations and permutations of TV and sugar are difficult to deal with, it is my child’s role models that have the greatest influence. I have found that I rarely eat, or need, dessert anymore. I haven’t completely kicked the sugar habit, but at least I abstain in front of my kids. And when we do share dessert, they are given portions that are proportionate with their size and weight.
The Wife and I both have a medical background and we understand the need to titrate drugs and give appropriate dosages. Pediatric dosages are based on weight. So why would I give a child who is 10% of my body weight, the same portion that I, a 200 lb. adult, would eat? I don’t. They get a dose that is 10% of regular.
Yesterday we went out to lunch with some close family whom we don’t get to see very much. It was a buffet-style lunch, which seems to be quite attractive to the older generations. I ate my fill of regular food, some great pizza, and some other foods. Then I was done.
Then our close family made another trip to the buffet. He came back with a 9″ oval plate filled with ice cream, cake, crumbles, and sauces. It was easily a half-pound of dessert. I was amazed. She showed greater restraint and came back with a normal-sized portion. My Darling Daughter was mesmerized by the size, creativity, and tantalizing seduction of these two desserts.
the desserts were held up for display, just out of her reach
Then, to add insult to injury, the desserts were held up for display, just out of her reach. You could see the addict’s lust in her eyes. I prayed for her. To her credit, she was quite content with the small vanilla cone I got for her, and she was willing to eat more vegetables first.
If my children had the potential of a fatal allergic reaction to peanuts, I doubt people would pull this kind of stunt. If my kids we’re autistic, and TV drove them mad, I doubt they would think twice about pushing us to let them watch TV. To me, there is much more at stake here. I don’t understand why it is OK to undermine our parenting choices?
The Possibilities are Endless
Flying certainly isn’t what it used to be, is it? I was about eight years old the first time I was on a comercial airliner. I didn’t fly, but the flight attendant saw me standing by the gate and took me onboard to meet the pilot and see the cockpit. They gave me wings – little plastic ones that became one of my most prized treasures; and, emotional wings that pointed to possibilities for the future. My daughter got her wings after our flight into Omaha!
I flew for the first time when I was 14. It was a big deal. I had a brand new Levi’s denim leisure suit to wear, and my parents had prepared us to be a part of “high society.” We were served a hot meal, by beautiful and smiling “stewardesses.” This was the pinnacle of success in the eyes of my parents! Now, riding in an airplane isn’t much different than riding in the bus – only it takes longer and is more dehumanizing. Air travel has lost it’s charm.
Traveling alone used to be relatively easy. I’d rarely check bags, so it was just a matter of walking on the plane and walking off severl states away. Now, however, traveling with The Wife, Darling Daughter, and soon-to-be-toddler, Smiling Son, we’ve clearly lost that sense of simplicity. There really is nothing easy about traveling with a young family.
First, there is the luggagae issue. We, apparently, need to be prepared for any and all eventualities. Then, we need car seats, stroller, diaper bag/backpack, toys, favorite books, dolls, food, drink, and of course, whatever else we deem can’t be lived without. To top off the complications, United has started charging for every checked bag. Fifteen bucks for the first bag and twenty-five for every bag after that. While this did provide some incentive to pack lighter, it made packing more like a Sudoku puzzle and less like a high society adventure! It also meant that we pushed the limits of how many carryon items we could stow in the overhead bin and at our feet.
I’ve also learned that prepublished airline schedules are more like wish lists. One doesn’t really get to determine when one’s family flies anymore. We merely get to submit a wishlist and hope the airline will honor that. In our case, we’ve discovered that early morning flights have a negative effect on our ability to remain sane.
So, I booked a flight that was supposed to leave early in the afternoon and would plop us down just before bedtime. But about a month before we flew, there came an email that expressed the United’s attempt at making our day a living nightmare. They had added a three hour layover to our itinerary and we wouldn’t arrive in Omaha until just before midnight. Apparently the scheduling computer has never traveled with small children.
Food is no longer a luxury included in the week’s wages I gave them for the privilege of being dehumanized by the system. So, my Goregeous Wife made preparations to bring along two meals for the day. In case you don’t know, this isn’t as easy as it may sound.
Fortunately, my kids are not TV watchers. I believe this contributes to their ability to self-entertain themselves, but it doesn’t take away the fact that four people who can easily fill up a 2000 square-foot house are now crammed into a space about the size of our refridgerator – for most of the day. It’s OK though, we’ll be fine, really!
The biggest stressor of all, at least for this Daddy, is the responsibility for keeping my family safe and sane. Being a naturally protective individual, I tend to take this role way too seriously. I’m on the lookout for people who may want to steal, or molest, my kids. I’m on the lookout for people who may try to rip us off. I’m constantly aware of “stranger-danger.”
Then there’s the fact that I don’t have a lot of confidence in the poor souls entrusted to screen our luggage or the people getting aboard the plane I’ll be flying on. There’s something not-so-comforting about the fact that they make my 13 month-old Smiling Son take off his shoes before going through the metal scanner. In fact, I’m not even sure how limiting the amount of carry-on fluids helps. Other than the fact that I end up drinking a lot more tap water when I fill my water bottle from the drinking fountain in the terminal.
When the logical side of my brain stops to think about it, I realize there are not many crimes commited in airports. In fact, there is so much security at airports, it would be incredibly stupid for anyone to attempt a major crime there. However, that’s where my previous experience with career criminals and knowing their judgement is often clouded by their low IQ, or drug induced state of mind.
By the end of the day, I am mentally exhausted. My Gorgeous Wife takes good care of the physical and emotional needs of the family, but it is I who is left with the role of constant vigelance and regular patrolling of the perimeter. This is a lot harder than I make it look. I could really use a couple of staff members with ear-piece radios and small arms, but lacking the budget for that, I’m left to take care of everything on my own. It’s a tough job, but… well, you know!
As we left the plane in Omaha, the flight attendant gave my Darling Daughter her first set of wings. She thanked us for having well-behaved children. DD walked off the plane with her head held high. She is beginning to realize that the possibilities are endless!
So, until the return flight, I’ll be recuperating, via rest and relaxation. A man has to prepare to defend his family at all costs, at every turn, whenever the need arises. The reality is, there is little danger. Planes are safer than cars and there is less stranger danger in an airport than at the local Wal-Mart.
In fact, the best support I can offer my family is to stay healthy: emotionally, spiritually, physically, and socially. This health can be transmitted to my family and provide the kind of leadership that will provide a solid foundation and positive trajectgory to my kids’ lives.
Confessing my Dad Attitude 