How to Play Softball and Win
As I walked up to the plate a flood of teenage memories crashed around my heart. I’ve always been athletic, but due to my nerdiness, I was usually picked last and rarely given an opportunity to shine. On this day, walking up to take a turn at bat, my only hope was to not make a fool of myself.
It had been years since I’d swung a softball bat. Since I was joining the game late, I had no time to warm up or even think of what was happening. All I knew is that I didn’t want to screw up. For the most part, the only way I knew how to stay composed was to stick with the fundamentals.
I knew that if I wanted to hit the ball, I had to keep my eye on it. Especially in this one-pitch, modified game. I didn’t concern myself with where I wanted to hit it or how hard, I just kept my eye on the ball and swung cleanly. I connected well. It was a good, line-drive hit sailing over the shortstop’s head.
it was a line drive sailing over the shortstop’s head.
I barely took one step towards first base when the teenage shortstop leaped several feet into the air and pulled my well hit ball out of the sky. Though I was out, I had established my athletic prowess among my peers. As I went back to the bench – the fear of failure flood subsided.
This hybrid softball game utilizes an unlimited number of players in the field. Once again, as I headed to the deep outfield, I had feelings of junior high school PE class. I felt like an outcast in the outfield.
Because we had no set positions, I slowly moved towards the infield. Before the third inning was over, I was playing between the shortstop and second-baseman. From this position I could backup other players during outs and coach the infielders.
What? Yeah, I didn’t intend to, but it is in my genes to coach people to play good ball. As we walked back to our cabin I told my Wife that I had accidentally started to coach the team. “Did they enjoy that?” She asked. I laughed.
When I play, I play to win!
I love to play and I love to play hard. When I play, I play to win. To me, winning is everything. I don’t go out onto the field just to hit a few softballs and run around a bit. I’m out there to compete – for it is in competing that I find the best is brought out of me.
But after a few decades on the planet, I’m finding that most don’t approach life that way. The fellowship and socialization is enough for them. Generally speaking, many don’t approach their careers or their sports to win. Nor do they see raising kids as a task that requires excellence.
I saw myself through the eyes of the caller
Recently I listened to a man calling into a talk-radio station. He wanted to know how he could build better rapport with his coworkers. Through some questioning and dialog, the radio host was able to find out that the caller was extremely focused on his job and his coworkers didn’t appreciate his dedication.
I saw myself through the eyes of the caller. For me, relationships weren’t what mattered – it was to complete the job at hand with excellence. The caller asked the host how he could be better accepted by his coworkers. And while the host tried to explain helping others to succeed in areas they valued, the caller couldn’t see how this was different than asking them to not be slackers at work.
I’m the guy that never gives up on the task at hand. When we are behind by three runs with two outs in the ninth inning, I keep playing the game with full intensity and expect the same from others. Usually others are rolling their eyes at me.
So, how do I correlate my values of excellence and achievement with those who value relationships over tasks? Or maybe a better way of stating this is that I tend to focus on tasks over relationships. Knowing that I see life differently than most, doesn’t seem to help me much.
As I contemplate this, I realize I have a fairly arrogant approach to winning. If winning is only about scoring points and beating others, then I have discounted the value of winning in relationships.
So, as I approach the end of my first half-century, it becomes incumbent upon me to relearn life, tasks, and relationships. I’m not sure I ever would have come to this point if I hadn’t experienced a few major failures in the last few years, I’m not sure I’d be able to see this so clearly. If I hadn’t stopped working 80 hours a week, I’m not sure I’d have the time to process through this.
If that isn’t a challenge, I don’t know what is…
What I’m hoping to learn, and what I need to learn, is how to put relationships over accomplishments. I’ve always sought excellence, I suppose now is the time to seek excellence in relationships. If that isn’t a challenge, I don’t know what is.
As a follow-up, apparently someone liked the way I played ball last week. I received a phone call Sunday night inviting me to play for a team during a labor day weekend tournament. Now, let’s see if I can play well, have fun, and NOT coach others.
Besides… who’s keeping score anyway?
Fallen Firefighter & Uplifting Family
Last Sunday, after fighting a wildland fire for 12 hours, Scappoose volunteer firefighter/EMT Robert Hales died. He left behind a wife and three daughters. The memorial service was held today. There is something about the camaraderie of emergency services. Having once been a paramedic and firefighter, there was never a thought that I wouldn’t attend the service today.
[Read More Here and here] [more photos here]
I took along with me my Darling 3 year old Daughter. Her presence with me made this service all that more memorable. Besides the usual things you’d see at a responder’s funeral (hundreds of uniformed personnel, bagpipes, flags, etc), the part of the service that really gripped me were the thoughts from Hales’ daughters and wife.
The girls had written their comments to be read. It was heartwarming/heartbreaking to sit there, with my DD on my lap, listening to these girls talk about how special and wonderful and loved their daddy is to them. One of them talked about how she didn’t get to say goodbye. They both talked about how much fun they had at the waterpark the day before he died.
Then his wife got up and shared what she had written. She talked about how she kept falling in love with him, virtually everyday. She fell in love with him the first time she met him, while he was chewing her out for trying to drown the noisy muffler with a loud stereo. She fell in love with him when she met him again and asked if he was married. She fell in love with him when they got married, when their kids were born, and when he joined the fire district.
She talked about how special it was to see their daughters falling in love with him, and vice versa. She too spoke of the water park day and how much fun he had with his daughters. The next day, he died. She finished by saying she’s not done falling in love with him. She will keep falling in love with him forever. It was very sweet.
DD and I left as the service came to an end. We joined a school, where I sit on the board, and we honored this fallen firefighter as the 100 or so emergency vehicles traveled up Highway 30 to the county fairgrounds. There were about 60 kids, and several adults standing along the highway waving small American Flags and two kids holding a larger flag and banner.
The firefighters and cops that passed waved, honked, and rang their bells for us. It was good for the kids, and I know it was good for the responders. How do I know this? Cuz, I’m both. I’m glad I have my kids and I’m glad I was able to hold my DD on my lap today.
Bathroom Fountains
Just before arriving at the Art Institute of Portland yesterday (see previous post), my wife called me. I was expecting her to put the kids on and wish me a good day. What I heard instead caused my brain to pause for a few seconds:
How do I shut off the water to the whole house?” She asked.
The answer is simple, the explanation takes time. Apparently one of our kids had broken the bathtub faucet off and there was water spraying into the air and flooding our master bathroom…quickley.
The problem with my reply is the location of the shut-off valve. It is conveniently located in my office closet, behind the bookshelf and surrounded by 200 lb. file cabinets. Not only would it take time to dig into them, there’s no way my tiny wife could even begin to get to the valve.
(note to self: finish unpacking office furniture and provide easier access to master water valve.)
Explaining to her how to get the right tool and open the meter box to shut off the water there, well, I just didn’t have it in my to have that conversation while water is pouring into our house. After suggesting she call the neighbor, I looked up the non-emergency number of local fire station and asked if they could go shut off the water and clean up our flood.
Later in the day I spoke with the officer from the fire engine that responded to my house. He told me how they had offered to knock a hole in my wall to fix the pipe. I thought he was joking, but it turns out he wasn’t. He was totally offering to demolish my house for me.
When I got home, I went into the basement, pulled aside some insulation, and found the tubes that serve as water supply pipes in my house. I identified the one supplying the broken faucet and applied a clamp to it. I was able to turn on the water and restore normalcy to our house. This will also buy time for me to get parts to fix the faucet.
All in all it was a productive day.
The best version of the story I like is my Darling Daughter’s:
I was just holding the faucet like this and trying to keep [Smiling Son] away from it. Then I moved it like this…and water just SHOT! up into the air and I ran away!”
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Confessing my Dad Attitude 