Coaching Leaders
Through a series of Twitter connections, I was invited to speak and facilitate the Art Institute of Portland’s Leadership Academy this week. It was easily the most fun I’ve had in a long time. It has been a few years since I’ve had the opportunity to speak to and teach college students. But these opportunities are by far the best.
Several weeks ago I picked up @brampitoyo and @allisonm and gave them a ride to Ignite Portland 3. A few days later, I ran into Allison and she asked me if I’d be willing to speak at the Art Institute. She connected me and the coordinator of the Leadership Academy and the next thing I know, I’m on the docket.
While several student leaders originally signed up to attend, we ended up with a relatively small group. This is always fine, because it fits the interactive, dialogue format much better. Including me and the Dean of Student Affairs, there were eight of us total. Each brought a unique flavor to the group and by the end of the day, I was wishing I could keep this ad hoc group together so we could go and change the world!
Sometimes I find that what I talk about isn’t as important as the sharing of ideas, experiences, and knowledge. The ideation that takes place eclipses the syllabus I came prepared to teach. Of course, we defined leadership, shared some leadership failures and successes, and generally discussed the “so what” question of leadership.
Primarily I am a motivational speaker. It is my hope that I can inspire and lead others to take the necessary risks to enhance their life’s experience and to make a difference in the world around them. Though this is always improved by sharing my story and my experiences. Mostly however, I facilitate discussion that allows the group to be self-taught.
I’ve always thought that we learn more from what comes out of our own mouths, when a skilled facilitator is leading the discussion, rather than how much someone is trying to cram into our brains. The hands-on learning style, if you will, can be very powerful indeed.
Towards the end of the day, I asked them to answer this question:
If you could do anything, and you knew you would not fail, what would that be?”
Their answers surprised me in the sheer audacity. Here are their responses:
- Levitate
- Eliminate the price-point economic structure
- Facilitate world peace and eliminate hunger and poverty
- Start a successful business
- Provide clean drinking water for everyone in the world
- Reverse the formal and informal caste systems in the world
- Raise my kids to be successful in esteem and relationships
Obviously looking at these, at first blush, most seem impossible. However, I was quite impressed with the general lack of selfishness and self-centeredness. This seemed to me to show real maturity. It is obviously these students have been giving this much thought. I’ve never gotten answers this visionary in all the times I’ve led, facilitated, consulted, or spoken to groups.
I was impressed!
There is something about being with a group of really smart, creative people that fires my juices. These students are not content to leave the world as they found it. They are setting about to change their world. This is what excites me and gets my juices flowing.
Off the Grid
On Sunday, we’re taking a little retreat from real life. We’re headed to a camp near Sisters, Oregon to play, rest, and recreate our personal best.
We’ll be on a phone and Internets blackout. No web, no mobile, no Twitter (gasp), and no blogging.
Well, I always have to write – maybe I’ll take some analog writing tools. This will be good, I hope promise!
A failure to plan is a plan to fail
It’s been said that wherever you place the most focus, that is your primary object of desire. Time, energy, thoughts, dreams, hopes, visions, values – whatever? If you are devoting more time to one thing than another, that is your most prized possession or desire. It can be a thing, a person, an activity, or a pursuit – it doesn’t really matter.
At one time in my life, when I was young, it was this cute girl in my class at Rockwood Junior High School. Julie Dreiling. Whenever she was in my vicinity, I was clueless to anything else around me. Later in life, it was firefighting. From15 to 19 years old, I was enamored with everything about firefighting. It consumed so much of my time that after two years I dropped out of college and began to pursue a full-time professional emergency services career.
No one has ever accused me of being balanced. In fact, tonight when I was talking with friends about my goal to achieve a balance between work and life, one asked me, “Do you really think that is possible?” My retort was so positive and forceful, that when I finished, she could only answer, “I wish my husband would take lessons from you.”
Since the industrial age people have gotten busier and busier
Ever since the beginning of the industrial age, men (in particular) and people (in general) have gotten busier and busier. Where we used to work together, in a naturally occuring community, we now work alone (at least emotionally), trapped by the pressures of our employers. Well, at least we think we’re trapped, but are we?
I had an interesting insight last Saturday night
For the past several months we’ve been listening to Laura Ingalls’ Little House on the Prairie, books on tape and CD. Since I’ve never read the books, I’ve been having fun listening whenever I’m in the care with my family. I had an interesting insight last Saturday night as we drove home though.
Mr. Ingalls had hired a threshing machine to come in and help harvest the oats. All day long they worked very hard to keep up with this massive machine drawn by 12 horses. It was all they could do to keep up with this loud, noisy, rattling piece of machinery. When they broke for lunch, the 12 men consumed mass quantities of food and then went back to working hard.
At the end of the day, Mr. Ingalls comes into the house exhausted. He exclaims to no one in particular, “That was a lot of work, but it saved me two weeks in the fields.”
Instantly it hit me: I am willing to bet that he didn’t take a two week vacation! Nope, that’s the problem with our so-called labor-saving devices. They do save us a lot of work, but we don’t take that time to ourselves. Instead we pour the time saved right back into the next task at hand.
I am willing to bet that he didn’t take a two week vacation!
And so the industrial revolution began with promises of more leisure, and a life supplied by machines and computers. However, this has never come to fruition. This insight made me sad. It made me long for the family and community that I’ve never experienced.
Sure, there was great hardship and poverty back then. And of course, because of our productivity, we have nice cars, nice houses, and nice clothes – not to mention an abundance and variety of foods. But at what price?
It has been said that wherever you spend the most time, energy, and focus, that is your treasure.
I’ve never been accused of being balanced. I spent my 20s in a chemically altered state of consciousness. I spent my early 30s devoted to my rapidly rising, and rewarding, career. I spent my late 30s and early 40s in school.
Many men will tell you that they spend so much time at work because they love their family. But if you were to ask their family, they would prefer that daddy be home more – and emotionally available. The truth is, men get rewards from their work. They don’t have to be emotionally available, but they are praised for their ideas, successes, and accomplishments. The harder they work, the more they are affirmed.
The rewards are fewer and less noticeable in parenting. Sometimes the payoffs don’t come for decades. Sometimes, being emotionally available to one’s family is draining. Families aren’t like toasters, we can’t take them apart, replace a few parts, and put them back together again. The dysfunctions and baggage are outside of our control.
We feel helpless and yet we want to fix it
We feel helpless and yet we want to fix it. That’s what dads do, we fix things. But how do you fix a toddler who was born with a propensity to have uncontrollable and unreasonable tantrums? How do you fix a wife who has unreasonable expectations and needs your tenderness (which you don’t know how to give)?
It is much easier to devote your energy and aspirations to your work and career. Life, and family, are not always easy. But in the long run, you’ll be better off if you make family your number one opportunity for success.
I’m convinced that my legacy will be exponentially greater by puring my heart and soul into my family
That’s my theory anyway. I’ve not seen it work, but I’m not going to miss the opportunity to allow my kids to rise above the dysfunctions that were handed down to me. I’ve made my mark on the world, but I’m convinced that my legacy will be exponentially greater by pouring my heart and soul into my family.
I want to build a solid enough foundation that my kids can stand on my shoulders and achieve all the successes available to them. The best way to do that is to pur my heart and soul into their mother – and show them what real love is all about. The second best tool I have for them is to be emotionally available, balanced, and healthy.
That’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it!
What is your plan?
Confessing my Dad Attitude 